
Well, PHHers, it's that time of year again. Come to Progressive Happy Hour to enjoy in the season's festivities. Tuesday, December 23, 2008, @ 9:00pm ish at Red Rock Tavern, 395 Capitol Avenue, Hartford, CT 06106.
The holidays, the shopping, the eating, the drinking, the swearing at the other shoppers, the traffic keeping you from that last iPhone bought by the assclown who cut you off 3 lights back and got to the parking lot before you so now you don't have that perfect gift for yourself - errr, for your loved ones - and then your car gets blocked in by other cars leaving the mall so you're trapped in the mall parking lot for hours, waiting to leave to go find gifts elsewhere, waiting for the shopping zombie holocaust to come, where you'll have to barricade yourself in the mall with hundreds of others as the shopping zombie disease spreads, infecting all then you have to defend yourself and the other survivors, like the hot goth chick from Hot Topic that won't have sex with you because she's in love with the manager from the Apple store, then you remember, that damn song that keeps playing over and over from the apple commercials might just destroy the shopping zombies, or at least make them dance so that you and the others can escape... but now, you're captured by the zombies, and watch as the hot chick from Hot Topic is held in the arms of the manager from the Apple store and you know that while the shopping zombies will feast on your entrails, that they will have amazing sex to repopulate the Earth, while you well end up as a shopping zombie without entrails, mindlessly roaming from store to store searching for the perfect gift of brains for your zombie offspring only to realize that you're searching in a mall, where there are no brains to be eaten.
Should you find that you have survived the holiday shopping zombie holocaust, than join The Progressive Happy Hour to celebrate the Festivus for the Restivus (with apologies to Jerry Stiller)! We will be having PHHnog (that's really, just a white russian followed by any other drink you want), singing non-holiday carols, eating Festivus Fries and Festivus Chicken Tenders, watching whatever is on the telly. Come and enjoy the day randomly selected to honor the birth of some kid in Bethlehem, CT. Watch and quote countless hours of A Christmas Story.
We of course know, that with said insane holidays, some of you will not be with us, trapped in traveling road movies, trying to get home to your families only to realize, that the reason you live so far from your family in the first place is to avoid hanging out with them for mindless hours and you think, perhaps I should just sacrifice myself to the shopping zombie holocaust instead of partaking in the lobotomy enducing hours of travel. To you, we wish you Happy Holidays, have fun, safe travels, and get back soon!