Life sure has a sick sense of humor, doesn't it? We had the best of both worlds with Dalton Bodhi, a dirty dancing surfer who was the best bouncer around. But we lost him to the great bar fight in the sky, his medicare not able to support him so he had to fight his way through the death panels. Now, the dancing is over, and it's about to get dirty. We need a few good bouncers to handle the mob.
PHH is looking for a few good bouncers to help us handle the powerdrunk binges of the town halls. People have been coming to the town halls & great malls thinking they're at your local slaughterhouses. People who want to have a good time won't come to a town hall meeting, and we've got entirely too many troublemakers here...Too many uhh, 60 year old adolescents, gun-toting misspelling, power drinkers, and trustees of medicare... It's going to change. "Yeah, that sure sounds great... but a lot of the guys who come in here we can't handle one-on-one, even two-on-one," you've been telling us. Don't worry about it; all you have to do is follow 3 simple rules: One, never underestimate your opponent... expect the unexpected; Two, take it outside, never start anything inside the bar or hall unless it's absolutely necessary; and Three...be nice. If somebody gets in your face and calls you a socialist sucker, I want you to be nice. Ask him to walk, be nice, if he won't walk, walk him, but be nice, If you can't walk him, one of the others will help you and you will both be nice...I want you to remember, that it's the job, it's nothing personal. Being called a 'socialist sucker' isn't personal? No, it's two nouns combined to elicit a prescribed response. "What if somebody calls my Mama a librul?" Is she? I want you to be nice... until it's time... to not be nice. I'll let you know...You are the bouncers I am the Cooler; All you have to do is watch my back and each others....and take out the trash!
We only want the best bouncer in the business. Your nights will be filled with fast action, hot music and beautiful women. It's a dirty job, but somebody's got to do it.
Apply tonight at Progressive Happy Hour @ Red Rock Tavern Slaughterhouse, 365 Capitol Avenue, Hartford. 9:30pm. This is your wake up call; You can do what you want, and make up your own rules. Why be a servant to the law, when you can be it's master?
We're also looking for some good dancers.
-Helder, only living to get radical.
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