That's it... Summer's over! Back to work, you lazy lot! (crack that whip!) That's right, you're daydreaming summer days are over. No more imagining what your coworker looks like on the beach while they're describing they're fun weekend at some exotic location with their family. No more time to stare out the window at gray summer skies wondering what it would be like to be outside on the shores of Caribbean isles enjoying the bosses' tax haven, while they slave away at your job. No more time searching your work computer for Travelocity, Priceline, Cheapbasterds, Ihavenomoneybutmustescape cheapo vacation sites, fantasizing about where you would rather be with that model that they're using to advertise on yourlonely.com commercials. BACK TO WORK, you lazy sods! (cat o' nine tails across your back as you resume rowing again)
Laborless day is all you get. Pick up those pens and start writing, let's hear those keyboards clicking away; c'mon, customer service swarm, let's have those scowls and complete disdain for the customer show on your face and come through the phone lines so that it chokes the customer on the other end. If I can't hear your spine snapping under the workload weighing you down, then I'm not doing my job right! (self flatualates with a cat o'nine tails, like that albino guy in The DaVinci Code). And don't think this new socialist world order that Pinko President HUSSEIN Obama is dictating to the kiddies today will keep you from laboring, giving you this 'universal Obamacare' to lick your wounds with. How are you going to pay for it if you don't work, neigh, slave for us, the corporate world odor?! Don't think that fictional little love letter from fat fatty Roger Bond Moore Arbuckle is going to showcase something about capitalism that will save you from the soulcrushing dictates of the executive directive to work off the national debt for the 1% cracking the whip! (cracks whips from both hands then cracks the demonesque tail below spine that grew there from being born near a toxic plant thanks to lax DEP regulations, but that's ok, cause it makes your humble narrator look all that more bad ass and it really turns on the ladies!)
So we hope you enjoyed your little fantasies of freedom this summer and remembered that Labor Day wasn't so much a holiday, but a blip like respite from the slave day. Wait, what are all you little worker bees doing? Put down those oars and get back to work! Hey, don't hit me with the oars! Oars go in the water, row the capitalist yacht of the fatcat! Ow, that hurts! hey, keep your chains off my neck --- ****
The worker has taken over the PHH email this week! Come celebrate the true calling of post Labor Day we still ain't to work revelry Union Meeting at Red Rock Tavern tonight! Password: fill in the blank: "Jimmy Hoffa is actually __________ ". Meeting hall is at 9:30pm, 365 Capitol Avenue, Hartford. Ride your bike for extra coolness factor. Workers in dungarees get Free Kenney's Cajun Curly Fries. Plenty of fence parking for bikes.
(no union laborers were harmed during this email by actual whips, only metaphoric ones. demonesque foremen were not so lucky.)
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