PHH: Up, Up and Awayyyy...

Billy's Balloon by Don Hertzfeld

Remember that nice Astronaut lady with the wild eyes who put on a diaper and drove literally a thousand miles to kill her ex-boyfriend astronaut or whatever? Hahaha...diapers.  Yeah, what happened with that?  If you were the other Astronauts who weren't crazy, how would you have gone about your lives?  Well, it is pretty rare that somebody absolutely CRAZY dominates our American headlines like....

OMIGOD OMIGOD!!  THERE IS A BOY IN A BALLOON IN THE SKY, YOU GUYS!  Somebody save him!  Scramble the Air Force!  Ready the missles!  Holy crap...THE BALLOON IS EMPTY!!  Oh noes!  Wait...whazzat?  The balloon boy is alive at home, and was in the attic all along?  Yayyayyay!!  Let's hear more about this fascinating family!  So the parents were reality show teevee stars?  And the boy is named "Falcon?"  And it's a complete publicity hoax?  And we just wasted an afternoon?  awesome!  Nice job, everybody.  Today, we are all heroes, because of CNN.

So Balloon Boy is alive and well and named Falcon and he didn't fall to his doom, and they tried to make up some "boys will be boys" story, so now we all can make JOKES on our Twitters and LiveJournals about it!  Like:  haha, maybe this was an attempt to write a South Park episode where Cartman crams Butters in a balloon.  Or how the "science" balloon had anything to do with friggin actual science, since it was a mylar balloon they bought at Wal-Mart shaped like a flying saucer so they could send it into the eyes of storms (in Denver!) without any weather equipment, and look for UFOs, because that's how Jodi Foster did it in "Contact."  SCIENCE!  Never mind that we could have used actual basic Physics or at least called the Mythbuster guys and found out that this story was impossible to begin with.  No, the real tragedy here is that there exists a reality show titled "Wife Swap" and apparently everybody is OK with that.

Since it's clear that hoaxes involving celebrity, dubious science, and crazy people are the new path to fame and fortune and reality shows, all you insane people show up tonight in your diapers at Kenny's Spaceport and Red Rock Balloon and Derigible Emporium.  NOTE: WE ARE SCRAPPING THE SAUCER BALLOON IDEA!  We will be plotting publicity stunts to get us a Gilligan's Island themed reality show.  We can "swap" pitchers and fries (get it?) until we come up with a stunt crazy AND believable.

Progressive Happy Hour.  369 Capitol Ave., Hartford, CT at 9:30 pm. 

Or is it?  Suckers.

--The Lindbergh Baby