PHH: Here Come The Judge!

With famous playboy recluse and quitter David Souter headed off to
pasture to his unibomber-designed pleasure-palace in New Hampshire, we
now have a fun game to occupy the long summer ahead: talking endlessly
about who that guy who lives in the White House...whatzzisname...you
know, the mustard-loving skinny guy...Barney O'bama will choose as the
new woman on the Taco Bell Burrito Supreme Court. Trust us, this is
much better and normal than talking about a killer gorilla plague or
the complete collapse of the bartering system or potato industry or
whatever else is headed our way. At least until the onset of
widespread killer tornados.

But no matter who is chosen (hint: the new justice is already chosen.
The name has been written on a $100 bill and placed in a sealed
envelope until someone guesses the secret word. The winner gets the
$100. It's in the Constitution), one thing is for certain: 20% of the
population will throw teabags at the announcement and call this lucky
person all sorts of nasty names on national television, even if it's
an 8-headed clone of Ronald Reagan himself, since he's a gay-lovin'
hollywood elitist actor type. The other 80% of the country will nod
and go back to playing Xbox. Let's make a glossary of words you might
hear on Rupert Murdoch's Fox News about this appointment so we can all
follow along.

Fascist: 1) One supporting the creation of a single-party state. In
direct opposition to liberal democracies and class-exploiting
communism. 2) Barack Obama.
Communist: A word you use to describe everything when your party didn't win.
Nazis: Obama lovers and ACORN, who fixed the election just so the
muslims can come bomb us again.
Empathetic: secret African code for "baby-killin'"
Tea Party: when patriots dumped tea in King George's bathtub to
protest the lowering of taxes of 90% of the population.
Socialist: Nancy Pelosi when she wants to buy all the banks and
hospitals and stuff with YOUR TAX DOLLARS.
lifetime appointment: a pretty sweet gig. I'm looking at you, Souter.
'merica hatin: America hating. And we're only talking about the REAL America.
Hitler: some guy slightly less worse than Obama.
Godwin's Law: huh?
Progressive Happy Hour: a gathering of great people doing great things
fueled by beer and fries.

Well, that's a pretty short list. But it's a start! Please join us
tonight to replace dictionary.com with this new Bachmann-approved
glossary. Progressive Happy Hour! Tonight starting around 9:30 pm.
Only at Kenny's (alternate spelling: Red Rock Tavern) on Capitol Ave.
in Hartford. All Supreme Court justices get a free shot!

--The ghostly spirit of John Marshall

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