PHH and the Half Bloody Mary

DAMN YOU, Hovarka! Just like Michael Jackson and Sarah Palin, you have stolen my thunder! How can I, your humble narrator, possibly follow up on last week's PHH diatribe? Why did most blessed Governor Sarah Palin have to up and quit, er 'Resign' on the week that I was off? VENGEANCE, I say! She did it to spite me, Wait Wait...Don't Tell Me, The Daily Show with Jon Stewart, and The Colbert Report, all of us on vacation. So Jonny Tremaine and Glenn Beck and Rush Limbaugh all got the scoop and the ability to discuss it in the wake of Michael Jackson and the preparation for the return of Zombie Jackson who will rise again to stalk Eddie Murphy for all those gay jokes in the '80's (before he got busted with a tranny in his car and had to do his civil service PSAs in all those loving family movies he now tortures parents who grew up on Eddie Murphy movies... that mo&#@! f#@$&* taught me how to 'filth flarn flarn filth' when I was in middle school!).

What is there this week to rant and rave about?! NUT'in'! I suppose I could go into the whole SoToe-May-or and her World of Warcraft challenge against the GOP on the Judiciary committee who will use her nomination to justify appointments for guntoting anti-abortionist hanging judges in the future (see: Lindsay Graham Cracker's comments from monday). There is that crazy family, The Dick Cheneys! Liz is getting in on the action, talking while her dad is in the recharging chamber, getting new oil pumped through his veins to revive the mechanical core in his chest. They're out there defending his secret cabal's CIA assassination squad (really? The CIA has 'secret assassination programmes & squads?! I'm as shocked as Fidel Castro smoking an exploding cigar!). Everyone knows that the plan was simply about super secret Suicide Squirrel Squadrons, that would would infilitrate other countries, act all cute while grabbing dem nuts, then when the time was right, race head first into traffic when the fearless leader's motorcade was going by setting off a car accident chain of events that could never be traced back to US. Who would suspect a squirrel?! Cheney was way ahead of his time). I suppose we can discuss Presidents Obama and Sarkozy being average guys and taking a glance at a very fine derriere... (Ok, in the case of Sarkozy, that wasn't just a glance: that was Homer Simpson staring at a gummy Venus de Milo). And really, do I even want to discuss BRÜNO? Yes, I laughed til I cried and laughed some more... but the plot was too close to BORAT, except replace Borat's heterosexual antics with Brüno's homosexual antics, and instead of being in love with Pamela, he's in love with himself. Granted, lots of funny moments, but...

But damn it, the gift that keeps on giving is Palin. Palin. PAYYYYYYYLLLLLLIINNNNNN! Sigh... And now MJ is buried... sure, the new torchbearer for Weekly World News, CNN & Larry King, are staking out the grave waiting for Vincent Price to raise Michael from the dead to fulfill the Thriller prophesy, but... it's just not the same. There aren't enough talking heads out there who can go on and on for hours about the impending zombie apocalypse. But... wait, what does the scrolling do-dad under Larry's suspenders read...?

BREAKING NEWS: HARRY PALMS & THE HALF BLOODY MARY is finally in theaters this evening! How did I miss this?! With all these 'issues' and stuff happening, I forgot that there was still entertainment to be had! The boy wizard has finally hit puberty and discovering the true magic of his wand and what happens when he points it at Hermione. But first he must keep his wand away from creepy old evil wizards who would want to control it! Darker and more disturbing than the first 5 installments! And it's out tonight! And *Gasp* Nailin Paylin has a cameo as she is annoited by a witchdoctor to fight off these witchy women and save the children from their paganistic ways! But can she nail Harry Palms and his magic wand before he spews his magic on her gmilf powers? Kids will be lined around the block to see it at midnight! What are we waiting for?

Let's get our Bloody Marys on at Progressive Happy Hour at 9:30 pm, then ride our flying broomsticks (remember to designate a broomstick flyer) over to the midnight screenings. I think Art Cinema on Franklin Avenue is showing it... Or perhaps Criterion in Blue Ball Square!

So, PHH for drinks and to get your Quidditch All Star game on with magical curly fries (how do they make them so curly? MAGIC!)
9:30 witching hour at Ye Ol' Rouge Roche Taverne @ 369 Capitol Avenue in the ole Hollow of Frogs of Harte-fyord.

Bring your best trick!

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