This week, in the Summer of Death, we remember Trusty old Walter Cronkite, a Trusted American hero because he was one of the first men to walk on the moon 40 years ago, along with Lance Armstrong and Edwin "Buzz" Lightyear. Walter's legendary first words on the moon, "Oh Boy!" will forever go down in history, along with the four (4) other YouTube clips that exist of him: the shooting of JFK, calling for negotiations in Viet Nam, that Three Mile Island thing, and the shooting of "JFK" by Oliver Stone. Most notably, however, "Uncle Walter" (so nicknamed because he was your mother's brother) will be remembered as proof that you didn't have to be pretty like Brian Williams and Sam Donaldson to get on the Nightly News.
So who ordered Walter Cronkite to go to the moon? As much as everybody believes it was the 1950s prophet and bus driver Ralph Kramden, who famously said, "One of these days, Alice...bang, zoom! To the Moon!", it wasn't. Why, it was really President JFK Kennedy himself, oddly enough! In a speech he gave with a microphone nearby, he said "We choose to go to the moon. We choose to go to the moon in this decade and do the other thing, not because they are easy, but because they are hard." Here's my question: What was that 'other thing' Kennedy wanted to do anyway? The answer is probably Marilyn Monroe, because Kennedy was a famous pervert.
So just as skirt-chaser JFK called on us to get the hell off his planet and go to the moon, I call on all of you to go to Kenny's Spaceport and Red Rock Cantina, tonight at 9:30 pm, Standard Moon Time. We'll recall where we all were on the 40th anniversary of man first deciding that the Moon was a pretty desolate place, and maybe we should blast off that rock and get back to Hawai'i. Of course, it's a New Moon this week, so we won't be able to see the damn thing anyway. But hey, there will plenty of beverages and fried things from some far-out people! We'll plan to fake a planet landing to lift America's spirits, just like they faked the Moon Landing! Maybe...Neptune? Yeah, let's say Neptune, since the governor of California has
already been to Mars.
But before that, remember to join Capitol Cinema Collective for Kino Kafé at La Paloma Sabanera for the documentary Diamonds in the Rough at 7:30!
--Gene Kranz
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