Progressive Happy Hour: Detention is being served

Progressive Happy Hour Detention will be served tonight, Tuesday, August 11th, 2009 at 9:30pm. It has been moved from the library to theRed Rock Tavern so that the supervising teacher on duty can actually enjoy their time at detention watching over the brats with some refreshing beverages.

Yes, that's right: YOU'VE all got detention! Don't think we didn't catch you snickering in the back rows while Governor Sarah Palin officially resigned last week because her health care provider was going to offer her baby up to the health care gods! And we know you're the ones who got that poor Sgt. Crowley in trouble by actually stealing Prof. Gates' keys, forcing him to climb through a window of his own house so that Sgt. Crowley would respond and arrest him. We saw that the locks were glued on Prof. Gates door; and you can't convince us that hobby glue in your locker was 'just for huffing'. And if it was, then you've got double detention, buddy! We checked with your parents: they confirmed you were skipping summer school for that bonarrooroothingamabobby when you forged Gov. Sanford's signature saying you were hiking the Appalachian trail with him! Do you even know where the Appalachian trail is?

Don't think you science nerds are getting away either! That lab was a mess! Sure, you were able to create a perfect woman out of a Barbie doll, but clean up after yourselves! And for chrissakes! If you're gonna create a perfect woman, remember to put some brains in there so she doesn't then marry Steven Seagal.

And for those of you thinking Bueller will get you out of detention with some crazy scheme; we're onto him! We know all about his little hooky shenanigans. Forget it! You can't get out of it.
I've got you for the rest of your natural born life if you don't watch your step. What? There's a wake tonight? For John Hughes? Who is that? Let me see that note! (snatches note from Long Duk Dong)

And so it goes... another icon of our youth has passed away. The man who essentially created the '80's and every video montage that was used in the '80's and ripped off by VH1's Remember the '80's has gone to that high school in the sky. Sure, we all wanted to kill him ourselves when he watered down in the '90's with that Home Alone/Macauley Culkin crap, but his treatment & honest depiction of nerds reminded us to temper our vengeance (unlike Robert Carradine!!!). And so, another part of the '80's has passed from our lives as we are reminded of the fragility of our mortality, as fragile and fleeting as Emilio Estevez's and Judd Nelson's careers.

So come to Progressive Happy Hour tonight to celebrate the ouvre of this venerable Chicago filmmaker (that's right, CHITOWN, not Hollyweird!). Men, remember to wear bras on your head as part of the ceremony.

"We're all pretty bizarre. Some of us are just better at hiding it, that's all." - Breakfast Club

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