Your humble correspondent is just HOURS away from joining everyone in the known universe in going to the beach the exact same week, because why not. It's August, it's hot and miserable, and what better way to enjoy it than to lie sweating next to thousands of oiled-up strangers who all are sharing the Swine H1N1 Flu? (Wait. How do the kids these days pronounce that middle word? I hate the internet txt speak)
But it's OK. Now that the Republicans are using their new successful bi-partisan tactic of "KILLING ANYTHING OBAMA PROPOSES," we will now have a new, exciting health care and insurance reform to save us from the Mexican Pig Cold! Yay! Since the Blues-Clues Democrats pretty much let the 40-person republican Senate majority defeat, in order, a Single Payer plan, a Public Option, Mandatory Death Panels, and soon, some sort of weird co-op plan, our new health care plan will consist of a gigantic tax cut, a free DVD set of the first season of "ER," and one (1) Band-Aid (tm) Brand adhesive strip.
Hooray! Now cancer is defeated and we'll all be healthy forever.
(Pssst, Barack, my man...since the crazies are going to oppose anything you say, maybe next time, you should try saying the opposite of what you want? Like maybe instead of saying "hey guys, maybe it would be good if poor people didn't go bankrupt every time they had a sore throat," you had expressed a desire to increase the bonuses of insurance company CEOs, the Republicans would have been tricked into voting for stealing Canada's hospital system. Reverse psychology!! AH...You're starting to get the hang of it...)
Anyway, now that Obama won't be able to send in his brown-shirted, Grim-Reapers of Doom to kill your grandmother for sport, the scheduled PHH topic of "Which of the Oldz will be the first to die, for our amusement?" has been canceled. All thanks to Sarah Palin's facetwitter, Glen Beck (the guy who actually has to beg his audience NOT to go on a shooting rampage), and the army of 70 town-hall shriekers they deployed to protect us from umm...which -ism do I pick...facism? Sure, let's say facism this time.
So instead, let's mail it in for a good ol' fashioned PHH beach par-tay!!! Woo!! Wear your finest Hawaiian shirts and most tasteful grass skirts. Grab your flippy floppies, and shades. Coconuts and Poi treats will be awaiting you at Red Rock Volcano and Kenny's Luau, on Capitol St. in Hartford. 9:30 pm on Tuesday night!
--Don Ho
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