Say goodbye to 2009, everybody! Toodle-oo, Sayonara, Get the hell out. Why are we ending the year 3 weeks early? It should be obvious by now. It's because 2009 shall go down in history and be known as "The Year of the Quitter," so we've decided to just give up on the year entirely before it's over.
This movement of quitting is led by waste-of-human-DNA Sarah Palin, who basically did just what she has done for every single thing she's been involved with in her life, forever. And that's wake up one day and you know, quit some sweet job you aren't qualified to handle, even if that's a sweet governorship of a low-maintenance fringe state. And the reason she gave for stepping down from about the easiest executive job you could possibly fall into? Because shut up, that's why.
Because she's a famous celebrity lady now, you lowlifes! What a success story, the American Dream...blah blah blah, something about bootstraps and Goin' Rogue and working hard at NOT working and just getting things handed to you because you're pretty and can wink at all the horny mouth-breathers who will vote for you.
As a result of all the publicity, book tours, and the superstardom that is that Palin baby-naming quittin' machine, everybody else looking to score some publicity followed her lead and started a wave of just quitting whatever you're doing and screw the earth, because we just don't feel like doing anything anymore for nobody. Here's a top-of-my head list of people who just gave up (or announced their future quitting) in 2009:
There's the political people:
Queen Quitter Sarah, David Souter, Jodi Rell, FL Sen. Mel Martinez, FL Gov. Charlie Crist, FL Congressman Robert Wexler (what gives, FL??), Dede Scozzafava, Bill Richardson, Tom Daschle, Rod Blagojevich, and a whole bunch of corporate CEOs we've never heard of who cost lots of people jobs and money, but are obscenely wealthy themselves, so stick it.
Then there are the news/infotaniment people:
Lou Dobbs, Charlie Gibson, Carl Kasell, Oprah (OPRAH!), Dancin' Tom Delay, Paula Abdul, Bobby Bowden, Bud Selig, John Madden, Bob Sheppard, Alec Baldwin, Geocities.
Quitters, all of 'em. So we're going to just end 2009 a little early in their honor. BUT PHH DOESN'T EVER QUIT!!! Come tonight starting around 9:30 to reminisce about the past year and ring in 2010, (the year we make contact!) at Red Rock Tavern, 369 Capitol Ave, Hartford.
Pitchers, party hats, and curly fries for all non-quitters, like Eddie Perez and Mark Sanford.
--Johnny Paycheck
Thanks once again to Anne Cubberly, we have a listing for you of all the FREE events happening around the city of Hartford this week. Support the local art scene by attending at least one of these events!
