Welcome to the 2 weeks of the year where everyone pretty much mails it in. And at a different level of mailing it in than we, as lazy Americans who outsource all the *real* work to India and...Djibouti? Let's say Djibouti., normally do. Why as I write this, my office area is completely empty because all my coworkers are off having a pot-luck luncheon...which is NOT what you would expect when you hear the words "pot-luck," dammit. But they (we) aren't even pretending to work this week. Heck, even your humble PHH correspondent had grand ideas of writing an elaborate version of a holiday classic for this email titled "How the Grinch Stole Health Care" starring everyone's favorite idiot Connecticut Senator, Joe "Stick With Joe as he sticks it to us" L, but I'm entitled to be tired and lazy too. Ah well, blah blah, America blames CT, but at least Michael Moore won't visit, snarky snark.
Here ya go, knock yourselves out:
http://www.google.com/search?hl=enl&q=Lieberman+grinch
Yes, it's the homestretch of *THE HOLIDAYS!* or as we like to call it, the War On Xmas (tm). Just about everyone has found reason to celebrate, or have a holiday to justify the immense slacking off and over consumption of alcohol and food and alcohol, and cookie-flavored alcohol. Pretty much everyone is getting into the act:
Christians: "And lo, baby Jesus came to the Big Box Mall and did sayeth to buy as many $8 Hamsters pets and Blu-Ray players as you can stuff in your Escalade. Only doing this in my name can you help our economy." Oh, and the love thy neighbor part too, which is cool.
Jews: Our Jewish friends are a smart bunch. Not only do they stretch their holiday over more than a week, thus easing the popping of that "oh, it's over already" deflating feeling, but they also had theirs early enough this year to avoid the snowstorm. Nevermind that Channanukahhanah is really only "important" because the Christians *made* it so in order to feel less guilty about buying so many friggin presents and ornaments and playing of the Xmas songs at the mall and airport and the gas station and OMG! Can we ban "Jingle Bell Rock" and "Rocking Around the Xmas Tree" and "We Built This City on Rock and Roll" and any OTHER holiday song with the word "Rock" in the title for eternity?? At least famous Mormon Orrin Hatch gave it up for the Jewish fake Xmas by writing a song to replace that Adam Sandler thing: Anyway, enjoy Jewish celebrations continue this week with the traditional eating of the Chinese food and the watching movies, like Moses did. Enjoy that movie with the blue space deer, Jews!
Godless Socialist Pagans: You do know that pretty much everything was stolen from the Pagans, right? The tree, the candles, the War on Xmas, single-payer healthcare systems...well, they held their Solstice holiday yesterday too. Anyone who has bonfires to celebrate is OK in my book. Oh wait...the Klan did that. Nevermind. Rock on, Pagans!
Muslims: Welcome to Capitalism! And having to deal with more ignorance.
PHH: Do we stop for the holidays!?? HELL NO!! In fact, we go again tonight! Deck the Menorah and Jingle those Boughs and hoe hoe hoe...Donny at Red Rock Tavern on Capitol Ave. is holding a Super Special Xmas/holiday party for jolly ol' us (For Reals, you guys!). Beginning at 9:30 or so, it's a PHH holiday spectacular. I can't promise any nog, egg or otherwise, but it will be extra-festive.
Happy Holidays, one and all.
--Ebeneezer
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