Babs' Vuvuzela who?

Join the World Cup fans from your desk at work! Blow your own vuvuzela.

ENOUGH. That's it. We have reached the statute of limitations of vuvuzela jokes being novel, America. After 3 days of people signing onto face-twit-space all asking "uhhh....hey, what's with the buzzing noise?" we've now moved on to all the lame bits of the internet having some OK, ok all you comedians. We've now heard all the "swarm of bees" jokes, or that the name sounds like some naughty part of your anatomy...ha-har, you're very clever. We're pretty sure that even someone as unfunny as Jay Leno has made these jokes, but nobody watches him so we can't be sure, BUT STILL!! We all know the word vuvuzela now, which makes it sound all ethnically classy, instead of what we used to call them before last week, "one of those cheap plastic horns we got from a parade vendor in 4th grade." Only now do we understand how annoying that was to blow it in the house, so I'M SO VERY VERY SORRY, MOM AND DAD!

Anyway, by now we've all found that our normal outlets of lowering productivity have been replaced by this World Cup foosball-soccer championship, Huzzah! All the games ("matches" in Euro-speak) are being played ("contested") right smack-dab in our prime work ("internet browsing") time-frame. Every four-years ("fortnight") this
comes around and the gotcha media writes stories how THIS is the year that America will for realsies start to actually care about watching 0-0 ties like the rest of...oh I don't know...EARTH?? DO NOT BE FOOLED, SHEEPOLES. Naturally, this is a sinister plot by the librul media and Nancy Pelosi to destroy Real America and adopt the Euro as our new form of Greek-currency. After all, games can end in communist
ties ("draws"), and it is beloved by Latinos, which makes Arizona's state government angry. THIS SPORT HATES FREEDOM.

So far, all I know is that the US team played England This was supposed to decide who gets to clean up the BP Mexican Gulf. The two teams tied, and that means Obama has to arm wrestle The Queen to decide things. We may be here a while.

While we wait, we will celebrate the world's biggest sporting event
thingy tonight at PHH: FIFA World Cup edition. Beers will be flowing,
the vuvuzela's will be blaring, and the fries will be staining our
favourite colourful fan scarves. Donny & Gemma have their referee
whistles polished and ready to go. Tonight, faceoff is at 9:30 pm, at
the Kenny's Yellow Card bar and the Red Card Tavern.
--Andrés Cantor