PHH: Are You Adequately Prepared For A Moderate Amount of Modified Rugby?
Remember the short-lived fake teevee game show "Beat The Geeks" on Comedy Central? Probably not. You know, it came after "Pardon My Zinger." It featured a panel of "Geeks," dressed in...um...robes (OK, stay with me here...this is a real thing, people), and they each had a mastery of some geeky subject, like "Music Geek" or "Movie Geek" or "Star Trek Geek" or "Hostess Snack Cakes Geek" or even "Bargain-Priced Gin Geek" and regular contestants had to go head-to-head with these losers by answering increasingly obscure questions about each subject. It really was terrible, BUT MY POINT is
that it taught us that 1) everybody has *something* that they're interested in up to and past the point of obsession and geekery and 2) bad game shows should be canceled before ever making it to air.
It just so happens that this week is a banner week for things-geeks-obsess over. First, for you Computer/Gadget Geeks, head nerd Steve Jobs gave you a new toy by stretching an iPhone over a Kindle and this thing single-handedly created a cottage industry of feminine hygiene joke stores on the iTwitters that will save the economy. And you can follow along with this thingy that Steve Jobs made! Meta!
There were the Grammies on Sunday for Music Geeks. This is the worst of the major award shows, so you shouldn't be upset if you missed it, but it did give people in that industry a forum to express that
they've finally really forgotten all that Amy Winehouse unpleasantness and a chance for a famous "rap guy" to blurt something out in a hilarious and You-Tubable manner. It turns out something named
"Taylor Swift" wins everything, even though I'm not really sure I've ever heard anything it has produced or if it even exists.
Movie Geeks, Ten-Hut! The Oskar Meier Academy Noms (Nom Nom Nom...) are out today. And for some reason, there are TEN movies up for "Best Picture" even though 6 of them can not possibly be described as either "Best" nor a "Picture." Will they give dottering old lady James Cameron more accolades for her to sleep with on her giant pile of money for his Giant-Smurf Porn Movie that's in Smell-o-Vision?? Or will they give it to a good movie? Capitalism speaks!
Next up, Economics Geeks, the US Budget is out! Um...woo!!! Good times in America! Join ol' President Antichrist Deficit, fresh off his scold-a-thon of every branch of the US American Government
(Including the Wal-Mart sponsored Supreme Court!) in his invitation to go "line-by-line" over this baby. Ohhh, yeah. Obama's got his candidate mojo back!
Not forgetting you over there on the couch, TV Geeks! Something called "Lost" or something? Hmmmmm?? I dunno, I watched the first episode and got confused. Hope you don't get too "Lost" at your sexy snuggie-clad "Lost" parties. Haw haw haw...yeah, I got nothin.
Old-Tymie Weather Prognostication Geeks! Well, you get to share your special day, Hedgehog Day today with Bill Murray now, so HA! Oh, don't get your dusty top hats and cummerbunds in a cummerbunch. Just get your rabid mole, or whatever that hideous thing you're grabbing by the neck is out for the cameras for your 2 seconds of photographs, and go back to your Almanacks. Nobody likes you.
But ALL these geeky things didn't even matter, because *everything*I just mentioned gets rolled up and deep fried in an orgy of geekery and jockitude this weekend in the biggest holiday in America: SupperBowl Sunday. Sports Geeks and Food Geeks, get in here! We got yer music and yer movie advertising, and everyone is looking at a teevee, and eating obscene amounts of horrible foods and watching the sportball players play their sportball game! And there's lot's of advertising money that Steve Jobs' thingy will appear on! Maybe there will be talking animals! It's the one time ALL of America's Geekdoms all gather to pretend they know what the hell is going on! Except you, Old-Tymie Weather Prognostication Geeks, I told you to GO AWAY. Anyway, this year, it is the New Orleans Superdomes facing off against the Indianapolis Mayflowers! Pick your squadron! Pretend that you actually know that "Offensive Tackle" is a position, and then eat more. NO, YOU CAN NOT PLAY ROCK BAND DURING HALFTIME. sheez. Where'd all these nerds come from, anyway?
There will be a practice session of Gluttony to get your stomachs and social foibles all stretched-out tonight, Super Duper Tuesday at Progressive Happy Hour. At the Red Rock Superdome and Kenny's Oil Stadium (do the Colts really play in a stadium named after an Oil company? eesh.) OK. Lots of beer to get that tolerance up. A steady diet of curley fries will successfully prime your gastro-system for
everything. We'll "kickoff" at 9:30 pm, and go late for all the Lost people. Donny, our incredible host, will be head referee. 369 Capitol Ave. in Hartford, CT.
And before PHH, why not go to the benefit screening of "The Agronomist" at 7 pm?? La Paloma Sabanera Coffee, 405 Capitol Avenue, Hartford.
http://www.mirahartford.net/2010/02/agronomist.html
--Walter Camp
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