PHH: This week on the Food Schmooze... surviving a blizzard.

And 'lo! As prophesied that in the 34th year of our lord Maddin, The Saints from the great crescent city of the south wouldst come back from near martyrdom at the fierce visage of renegade NOLA son Peyton the Maneater to a victorious battle on the fields of the Gomorrah of the phallus of the New World and therefor bring to light the injustices of the world. And 'lo! that this victory would end a time of great calamity in the new world's capital, brought on by a great frost! A great frost that has affected even the flaccid phallus of the new world order, killing its crops of orange and confusing its blue-haired residents who sought refuge there in its warmth. A great frost that brought Washington of DC to a stand-still; unlike the great patriot for which it was named, who bravely endured the cold winters to lead his men against their benevolent British overlords, the capital couldn't do anything. (Yes, that's this week's excuse).

'LO! While The Saints of New Orleans Who Dat! nation have lifted the spirits to warm the skies for a moderate temperature and sunshine in our fair city of the Hart, the sun will split in twain and cometh the Snowman of Ought Ten!!!

And now we know why CPBN had an early pledge drive this year! It was to stock up on resources for just this occasion! Why do you think they've been getting all this documentary and promotional stuff about the Blizzard of '78 all up in our grill?! Because Faith Middleton knew it was coming! She's been stocking up in the studio in case she gets snowed in with Dankosky and McEnroe! It'll be the Andes soccer team, the Donner Party, a night out with Rush Limbaugh! Just when Jeffrey Cohen thought it was safe to get back in the newsroom! He's from New Orleans and Meme Middleton is gonna cook up some Cohen Gumbo!

"Next on the Food Schmooze: How to cook interns. Our guests via telephone tell us how to prepare our interns for dinner. They are of course of the leanest meat as they have to run around for the hosts and newsroom staff."

Get yourself prepared for this week's giant blizzard of the questionable decade by coming down to Le Taverne de La Roche Rouge, in the Frog Hollow Quarter, 396 Avenue do Capitol, en Har'for', CT. There will be bourbon to melt the snow, cajun fries, and pitchers of Naughty Nurses to heal the frost bite. Join us at PHH at 9:30ish! First one there gets a free drink from Saint Donnie.

Dr. Hell Frozedover,
As seen on TV Meteorologist
(Warning: Storms on Meteorologist's and news reports may appear larger than they actually are)

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Free Hartford: February 7 - 12, 2010

"Free Art Sign" by Flickr user My Dog Sighs

Thanks to Anne Cubberly, here is the weekly Free Hartford posting, to inform us of what free events are happening around the city of Hartford. Get out there and enjoy some of these events that make Hartford a great place to be.
"Be green ...... Buy Local
It's true, everything here is free."

MONDAY, FEBRUARY 8

Red Rock Tavern: 369 Capitol Ave 860-246-4527
Tame the Brain Trivia Night: All Categories, Hosted by Craig B. & Ryan Smart from 104.1. Prizes for 1st, 2nd & 3rd place team !
Mondays 8 - 10:30 pm

TUESDAY, FEBRUARY 9

Christ Church Cathedral : 45 Church St.
Midday Organ Recital: Music of Jean Langlais
Kevin Jones, Canon Precentor and Director of Music
12 pm

WEDNESDAY, FEBRUARY 10

Real Art Ways: 56 Arbor St.
Inescapable Rhythms Poetry: Featured readers followed by an open mic.
7 pm

THURSDAY, FEBRUARY 11

The Studio at Billings Forge: 563 Broad St.
The Farmer's Market is moving indoors to the the Studio
3:30 - 6 pm

Hartford Public Library: 500 Main St.
Famous: View celebrated African American recording artists on the big screen.
3:45 pm Ages 6 and up

FRIDAY, FEBRUARY 12

Charter Oak Cultural Center: 21 Charter Oak Ave
Read It & Sleep : A Community Pajama Party, Hot Chocolate, cookies and a beautiful children's book read by a guest reader.
7 pm

Trinity College: 300 Summit St.
Conference: EU, YO, ME : Speakers Frances Negron-Muntaner, Guillermo Rebollo-Gil, Pia Barros and more explore cultural development and identity in Latin America.


SATURDAY, FEBRUARY 13

Real Art Ways : 56 Arbor St.
Wince: Love Hurts, Participate in an open mic series featuring your relics and tales of a broken heart. Free for readers
7 - 10 pm

Trinity College: 300 Summit St.
Conference: EU, YO, ME : Speakers Frances Negron-Muntaner, Guillermo Rebollo-Gil, Pia Barros and more explore cultural development and identity in Latin America.


SUNDAY, FEBRUARY 14

City Steam Brewery : 942 Main St.
"Second City Steam": Sea Tea Improv hosts a night of Improv Comedy.
Enjoy this Special Valentines performance.
7 pm (doors open @6:00 pm)

CALL TO ARTISTS...........................................

The Studio at Billings Forge is looking for artists to submit images of their work for a Potluck Slide-show. For more information contact Janice La Motta at jlamotta227@att.net
Deadline February 19, 2010

La Paloma Sabanera Coffee House is looking for artists interested in displaying their
work. Contact Virginia Iacobucci 956-5003, viaobucci@snet.net

ONGOING....................................................

La Paloma Sabanera Coffeehouse: 405 Capital
Exhibition: Jennifer Firmen, ceramics and pottery
Through February

Trinity College: Widener Gallery: 300 Summit St. 860-297-2199
Exhibition: Dual Action : Paintings and Prints by Scott Reeds
Through March 7
Watkinson Library Exhibition to Highlight 40 Years of Coeducation at Trinity.
Through June 2010

Charter Oak Cultural Center: 21 Charter Oak Ave
Exhibition: Nilofer Haider: Demystifying the Burka
Esam Pasha: Dimensions of Memory
Linda Abadijans: Lambs of Lebanon, A Widow to War
Through February 24

City Hall: 550 Main St.
Exhibition: The Immigrant Experience: Mural By Mexican Artist Carlos Hernandez Chavez
Main Atrium

Hartford Public Library: 500 Main St.
Exhibition: 48 Hours of Art : First Night Installation of work by David Borawski, Anne Cubberly and Nick Napoletano
Through March 20

Real Art Ways : 56 Arbor St.
Exhibition: Rockstone and Bootheel : Contemporary West Indian Art
Through March 14

Sully's Pub: 2071 Park St.
Sundays, Electric Open Mic, 9 pm
Mondays, Acoustic Open Mic, 9 pm
Tuesdays, Sully's Allstars with Peter Schieps, 9 pm
Wednesdays, Karaoke with Tastefull Productions, 9 pm

Firebox: 539 Broad St.
Sundays, Blue Grass from 5-8 pm
Wednesdays, Jazz from 6-9 pm

La Casona Restaurant: 681 Wethersfield Ave
Thursdays, Latin Music Open Mic hosted by Carlos Hernandez Chavez
and Jay Boyd, 6-9 pm

Spiritus: 220 Asylum St.
Wine Tasting, Thursdays from 4:30- 7 pm & Saturdays from 1- 4 pm


Input ? Feedback ? Bring it ! Let me know if you don't want to receive these emails.

Certainly,
Anne

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Forgotten

Forgotten, originally uploaded by Mira Hartford.

Pic of the day: This house has been owned by the same absentee landlord since the 1980's and has been in this state ever since: half worked on, entirely forgotten. It is one of example of how Hartford and it's neighborhoods are treated by absentee landlords.

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PHH: Are You Adequately Prepared For A Moderate Amount of Modified Rugby?

Remember the short-lived fake teevee game show "Beat The Geeks" on Comedy Central? Probably not. You know, it came after "Pardon My Zinger." It featured a panel of "Geeks," dressed in...um...robes (OK, stay with me here...this is a real thing, people), and they each had a mastery of some geeky subject, like "Music Geek" or "Movie Geek" or "Star Trek Geek" or "Hostess Snack Cakes Geek" or even "Bargain-Priced Gin Geek" and regular contestants had to go head-to-head with these losers by answering increasingly obscure questions about each subject. It really was terrible, BUT MY POINT is
that it taught us that 1) everybody has *something* that they're interested in up to and past the point of obsession and geekery and 2) bad game shows should be canceled before ever making it to air.

It just so happens that this week is a banner week for things-geeks-obsess over. First, for you Computer/Gadget Geeks, head nerd Steve Jobs gave you a new toy by stretching an iPhone over a Kindle and this thing single-handedly created a cottage industry of feminine hygiene joke stores on the iTwitters that will save the economy. And you can follow along with this thingy that Steve Jobs made! Meta!

There were the Grammies on Sunday for Music Geeks. This is the worst of the major award shows, so you shouldn't be upset if you missed it, but it did give people in that industry a forum to express that
they've finally really forgotten all that Amy Winehouse unpleasantness and a chance for a famous "rap guy" to blurt something out in a hilarious and You-Tubable manner. It turns out something named
"Taylor Swift" wins everything, even though I'm not really sure I've ever heard anything it has produced or if it even exists.

Movie Geeks, Ten-Hut! The Oskar Meier Academy Noms (Nom Nom Nom...) are out today. And for some reason, there are TEN movies up for "Best Picture" even though 6 of them can not possibly be described as either "Best" nor a "Picture." Will they give dottering old lady James Cameron more accolades for her to sleep with on her giant pile of money for his Giant-Smurf Porn Movie that's in Smell-o-Vision?? Or will they give it to a good movie? Capitalism speaks!

Next up, Economics Geeks, the US Budget is out! Um...woo!!! Good times in America! Join ol' President Antichrist Deficit, fresh off his scold-a-thon of every branch of the US American Government
(Including the Wal-Mart sponsored Supreme Court!) in his invitation to go "line-by-line" over this baby. Ohhh, yeah. Obama's got his candidate mojo back!

Not forgetting you over there on the couch, TV Geeks! Something called "Lost" or something? Hmmmmm?? I dunno, I watched the first episode and got confused. Hope you don't get too "Lost" at your sexy snuggie-clad "Lost" parties. Haw haw haw...yeah, I got nothin.

Old-Tymie Weather Prognostication Geeks! Well, you get to share your special day, Hedgehog Day today with Bill Murray now, so HA! Oh, don't get your dusty top hats and cummerbunds in a cummerbunch. Just get your rabid mole, or whatever that hideous thing you're grabbing by the neck is out for the cameras for your 2 seconds of photographs, and go back to your Almanacks. Nobody likes you.

But ALL these geeky things didn't even matter, because *everything*I just mentioned gets rolled up and deep fried in an orgy of geekery and jockitude this weekend in the biggest holiday in America: SupperBowl Sunday. Sports Geeks and Food Geeks, get in here! We got yer music and yer movie advertising, and everyone is looking at a teevee, and eating obscene amounts of horrible foods and watching the sportball players play their sportball game! And there's lot's of advertising money that Steve Jobs' thingy will appear on! Maybe there will be talking animals! It's the one time ALL of America's Geekdoms all gather to pretend they know what the hell is going on! Except you, Old-Tymie Weather Prognostication Geeks, I told you to GO AWAY. Anyway, this year, it is the New Orleans Superdomes facing off against the Indianapolis Mayflowers! Pick your squadron! Pretend that you actually know that "Offensive Tackle" is a position, and then eat more. NO, YOU CAN NOT PLAY ROCK BAND DURING HALFTIME. sheez. Where'd all these nerds come from, anyway?

There will be a practice session of Gluttony to get your stomachs and social foibles all stretched-out tonight, Super Duper Tuesday at Progressive Happy Hour. At the Red Rock Superdome and Kenny's Oil Stadium (do the Colts really play in a stadium named after an Oil company? eesh.) OK. Lots of beer to get that tolerance up. A steady diet of curley fries will successfully prime your gastro-system for
everything. We'll "kickoff" at 9:30 pm, and go late for all the Lost people. Donny, our incredible host, will be head referee. 369 Capitol Ave. in Hartford, CT.

And before PHH, why not go to the benefit screening of "The Agronomist" at 7 pm?? La Paloma Sabanera Coffee, 405 Capitol Avenue, Hartford.
http://www.mirahartford.net/2010/02/agronomist.html

--Walter Camp

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The Agronomist

Join us Tuesday evening for a benefit screening of the amazing documentary about assassinated Haitian radio host Jean Dominique. Screening is at 7pm at La Paloma Sabanera Coffee, 405 Capitol Avenue, Hartford.

The Agronomist is about Jean Leopold Dominique who hosted Radio Haiti-Inter, Haiti's first independent radio station. Jonathan Demme puts together this documentary with historical footage and interviews. The result is a serious recount of Haiti during its numerous regimes.

Radio Haiti-Inter was Radio Haiti in 1960 and in 1969, it became Radio Haiti-Inter. It finally ended its broadcast three years after the assassination of Jean Dominique. His broadcasts were primarily for the struggle of democracy and he was able to capture the feelings of those who were poor and powerless.

The remarkable account of Jean Dominique and his radio hosting days is that his struggle was able to last as long as it lasted. While almost a majority of any repressive society would silence its critics, Radio Haiti-Inter wasn't silenced for decades. Even after his assassination, his wife and fellow journalist, Michèle Montas, tried to keep the radio broadcast going until it finally collapsed 3 years after his assassination.

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Free Hartford - February 1, 2010

Continuing our weekly posting from artist Anne Cubberly, here is the listing of free arts events happening this week! Enjoy.

MONDAY, FEBRUARY 1

Trinity College: 300 Summit St. www.trincoll.edu
Watkinson Library Exhibition to Highlight 40 Years of
Coeducation at Trinity.
Through June 2010

University of Hartford: 200 Bloomfield Ave
Discussion: Sitting Down for Justice: Social Activism 50 years
After Greensboro with Speaker Bill Fletcher Jr.
Konover Great Room
7:30 - 9:30 pm

TUESDAY, FEBRUARY 2

Christ Church Cathedral : 45 Church St. www.cccathedral.org
Midday organ Recital: Jehen Alain Suite (1936); Le jardin suspendu Kevin Jones, Canon Precentor and Director of Music
12 pm

WEDNESDAY, FEBRUARY 3

Connecticut Convention Center
Connecticut C.A.R.E. Health Clinic for uninsured Connecticut residents.
Call Toll free (877-233-5159) to schedule an appointment.
12 - 7 pm

La Paloma Sabanera Coffeehouse: 405 Capital www.lapolomacoffeehouse.com
Exhibition: Jennifer Firmen, ceramics and pottery
Through February

THURSDAY, FEBRUARY 4

Trinity College: Widener Gallery: 300 Summit St. 860-297-2199
Exhibition: Dual Action : Paintings and Prints by Scott Reeds
Through March 7
Opening Reception, 4:30 - 6:30 pm

Mark Twain Museum & Harriet Beecher Stowe Center www.marktwainhouse.org
Nook Farm Book Club:Facilitated discussion of The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn by Mark Twain. meet at the Twain House. Please RSVP 860-522-9258 X 317 5 - 6:30 pm

Billings Forge: 539 Broad St. www.billingsforgeworks.org
Artists Residency: Tour the studios of Anne Cubberly, Skylar Hughes, Natasha Miles and Russell Prigodich.
Studios will be open from 6 - 9 pm

SATURDAY, FEBRUARY 6

Institute for Community Research: 146 Wyllys St. www.incommunityresearch.org
Open House and Marketplace : featuring textiles and demonstrations
by Sewing Circle artists.
11 - 1 pm

Input ? Feedback ? Bring it ! Let me know if you don't want to receive these emails.

Cheerfully, Anne

annecubberly.com

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You Can't Be Neutral on a Moving Train

Historian Howard Zinn, an inspiration for this blog, died January 27, 2010. I'll let his words speak for themselves.

UPDATE: More parts of this lecture are embedded after the jump.

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Really, People?!

I'm writing this week's Progressive Happy Hour email to make a statement on what we've got going on around here. Put things in perspective, if you will.

Seriously... I'm going to be serious here you guys... seriously. The cameras are on the US now, so no messing about.

What are we doing here? I mean, come on. I don't ask for much from you people out there in America. Just like the rest of you, I'm willing to look the other way on things. I'm willing to be disaffected by things that might not be in my back yard. I see you run that red light, I just look at my radio dial. When you take that extra slice of pizza even though you're only paying for two slices of the pie, I think, hey, you would do the same for me. When you can't remember the bullshit that happened during the Bush Administration, it's not because you're a corporate whore for the fringe right wing propaganda machine with absolutely no sense of integrity; it's because it was a trying time for the whole country and one we should move away from. You cheat on your gorgeous blond Scandinavian wife with some yucky cock-gobblers, I just say, 'hey, who hasn't written to Penthouse about that?' If you want to run for a major political office in your state that should be a lock, and decide to phone it in from your elitist enclave so that some trucknuts driving mimbo can get on national tv and pimp out his nubile daughters, who am I to judge your lack of enthusiasm to follow in the footsteps of social activists?

Y'know what, I don't even blame FOX News, Douche Limpprick or Pat Robertson for once. At least they are being true to their convictions of being intolerant ignorant racist douchebags. It's just who they are. And then there are those Americans that listen to the white noise coming out of that and say, sure, that's what we think and let's proclaim it on our Facedbooked pages so the internets can know we are a caring nation. Who am I to argue with your complete misguided understanding of being a Christian who wants to follow the socialist teachings of a poor carpenter that healed the sick, fed the poor, turned the other cheek, gave the earth to the meek? I barely go to church any more, so clearly I have a do not have the understanding of where Christ would stand on Health Care Reform or people donating to Haiti that Pat Robertson does.

But... Seriously?!?

Sean P. Diddy Combs bought his son a $360,000 car and all haiti got was his lousy $10,000?!?! Even Madonna gave $250,000. Do you think George Clooney and Halle Berry just donated their time on Friday to that telethon just so your kid can get a car (and driver!)?

If that's not insulting enough, Gupta and Cooper, WHAT THE FRAK are you dumbarses doing? You are *REPORTERS*, which means you are to report on the incident, NOT to partake in the news item. Gupta either be a doctor and TURN THE CAMERAS OFF, or be a reporter. It's not ethical to do both. And Cooper, we get it: you like to get in the frakus. But if that's the case, where were you and CNN when the democratically elected president of Haiti was overthrown not once but TWICE in the last decade with support from the US? It's like CNN just unearthed an island nation! Stop being part of the problem, getting in the way of real volunteers. Jaysis, Cooper, I heard there was crazy down there, I naturally assumed it was Geraldo. Oh, and FYI, New Orleans hasn't disappeared just because you're no longer knee deep in the water down there.

Really...


Here's the deal: Tonight, Progressive Happy Hour at Red Rock Tavern at 9:30pm Donnie buys a drink for the first person who arrives. I will add to your donations made to Haiti (or buy you a drink, you're choice). So, if you haven't already, please text HAITI to 90999 and show me the text (or do it tonight at PHH). Also, next week, I will be holding a benefit screening of the documentary THE AGRONOMIST about Haitian journalist Jean Dominique and the plight of Haiti in the 20th Century.  Mark your calendars: Tuesday February 2, at 7pm at La Paloma Sabanera.

"Pessimism leads to weakness; optimism to power."-- William James

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PHH: The Gloves With the Gauntlets are Off! And Thrown Down!

*sigh* OK, we COULD sit here and wallow in the crapulence that is the complete choke-job of a campaign run in that commonwealth to the north, Cana-chusettes, to find out who will be the new Ted Kennedy. Pointing out that a drunk Anteater could win that race if given the Democratic nomination up there, it's easy to understand why that nice lady ran her campaign from a hammock in Cabo San Lucas. Now everyone thinks that she'll lose, despite this excellent political strategy. It's clear that everybody in Massachusetts, who were all forced to get gay-married against their will, obviously hate Obamacare, because they've all apparently decided at once to vote for a faceless mannequin in a pickup truck that nobody knows a thing about. Oh, John Quincy Adam's Liver on a Platter, Massachusetts! Stop being dumb and text "HAITI" to 90999 to cast your vote for the right lady Ted Kennedy ($10 per vote). I want my watered-down health law thingy that makes more people give money to the strengthened insurance companies at gunpoint! Ugh...I could go on about this crushingly depressing bonus senate race...but...but...

LATE NIGHT WAR!!! On the teevee!! zOMIGOD THIS IS LIKE CRACK COCAINE FOR COMEDY LOVERS. No, no, that's not right. It's like crack cocaine, covered in chocolate, wrapped in bacon and then deep fried and sprinkled with PCP. I can't get enough of Jay and Conan and Dave and Jimmy, and the other Jimmy and that odd Scottish fellow and Conan! Now, it's no secret that I hate hate hate anytime celebrity private-lives coverage goes berserkers and the stoopid Hollywood Access Extra Insider Entertainment gossip spills over to MSCNN like Anna Nicole or Tiger Woods or Milton Berle or whatever, but this is dirt about *professional* lives, so I can lap it up guilt-free, right??

Please?

This is a story where even Jimmy Kimmel can be turned relevant! Of course that only happened because he jumped on the right horse out of the gate, like we all did. Even "Fresh Air" on NPR is having a regular update. This "Mean People Insult Each Other At Night" show is a big boffo ratings boom (which means it's probably all fake), and it's one that Cyborg Jay Leno should well remember when he retakes "The Tonight Show" for the 5th time in 2063.

It's easy to make unfunny, old, denimy Jay Leno the villain here, but he's just being the network Toady, because that's what he's always been. No, the *true* evil entity here is the demanding specter of the NETWORK AFFILIATE LOCAL NEWS BROADCASTS. I mean...who still watches this dreck, and why aren't they as dead as newspapers? Here's what I'm guessing was on last night's local news: Holiday revelers, Suburban house fire, a Hartford shooting that makes everyone in the state be completely terrified of ever setting foot inside Hartford city limits, a household product recall that will scare you even more, really unnatural and unfunny anchor banter, incorrect or vague weather forecasts, and a wannabe SportsCenter anchor trying out awful catch-phrases on high school basketball games, a puff Mr. Food piece, and a dog that can roller skate. BOOORING! (except for the dog.) Local news: You're just delaying our consumption of topical jokes delivered in monologue form, Stupid Human Tricks, and celebrities pretending to be human and telling pre-arranged stories in order to plug their terrible movie or tv show. No wonder NBC tried to kill local news with Jay Leno's fleet of classic cars.

Come escape your 11:00 news tonight. Get all the scoops on anything and everything really going on in the local scene at the source...Progressive Happy Hour! At the Kenny Show Studio with the Red Rock Tavern Band, located at 369 Capitol Avenue in Hartford. The variety comedy block gets going at 9:30. If NBC knows what's good for them, they should keep Jay and Conan and give the 11:00 slot to our very own Donny, who happens to serve up the best pitchers of brew and curly fries east of Burbank. Get there early to celebrate the worst Senatorial election since Connecticut 2006, and the handing of the country back to the mouth-breathers. 2010!

--Steve Allen

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PHH: Don't Meet The Press

Some weeks, this email just seems to write itself; apparently that is how FOX News also works. They spin 3 wheels; one is now permanently stuck on President Obama, the other lists selects from a from 'War on Terror', 'Healthcare', 'Socialism', 'Race', 'Fascism', etc, while the other lists on suggests how to attack him. This week, they thought they had it all, so even the other mass media go in the action: first there was still the fallout from the "Underwear Bomber" (really?! That's like a rejected villain from a Mad Magazine strip). Apparently, according to like every Republican out there, there were NO terrorist attacks - not even successful ones - during President George W. Bush's watch. Nope. Not a one. For those of you that are screaming 9/11 at former Mayor Rudy "my middle name and slogan is 9/11" Giuliani, that was obviously a day best forgotten once Bush got out of office. (If anything, hopefully this means that they'll stop screaming it at their rallies... I mean, National Conventions). Nope, there wasn't some fella with a shoe bomb trying to blow up a plane during Bush's term (that happened in international skies, sorry, you lose TerrorBall!) Even the supposed 'lib'ral medee-ah' like CNN's Wolf Blitzer just let Rudy "I ran for President so you wouldn't forget 9/11" Guiliani get away with saying there weren't any domestic attacks under Bush. Clearly, Bush & Cheney were so crazy, like Mel Gibson in Lethal Weapon, that the terrorists were just scared away.

As if that weren't enough, good ol' white guy Sen. Harry Reid had to go and play the race card. Now, granted this appeared in a book and not on the video tubes. So the media actually read it for people who ain't goin' be buying that book, and have been repeating it adnauseum. That earthquake off the coast of California? That was actually caused by the impact of every democratic simultaneously hitting their heads against something when the 'news broke'. Now, I guess it is 'news' to some: prominent old white guy makes comments about the President's race and how it affected the election. I mean, no one has gone any where near that topic in the media! Y'know perhaps what we need is a new derogatory word for White People; honky, cracker, white trash, arsehole, prick, just aren't cutting it any more. Perhaps Santorum. Or Scatmuncher? Or we need to find something that really gets them...vas deferens! or Impacted Anal Sacks!

But, if that wasn't enough to be in the news cycle, FOX News went and the unthinkable: they hired former-Mayor-former-VP-candidate-Quitanor Sarah Palin to do the job that she went to all 5 of those colleges for: she's going to report/comment on things in her charming whimsical folksy way on the news channel that is fair and balanced. She reads all the papers & magazines, so we can rest assured, she will be truly informed to report on the news of the day. They even asked Twitter to help name her show! I'm voting for "Don't Meet the Press" after all, she's so much smarter than all of them that she never had to do a press conference on the campaign trail. I also think there should be a segment "Things I've seen from my house". Her investigative segment is going to be: "Who's Palin Nailin'" and when she gets them, she'll shout, "I nailed ya!" I've already called dibs on the segment "What you'll see later tonight on The Daily Show" And you know she'll be bringin' the top guns when she sits back in her chair, breathes in, tilts her head and asks, "In what respect, Charlie?" In fact, she'll get asked to reprise that line as her catch phrase on a sitcom. She'll pop in as the neighbor milf and that will be the line she says for big laughs. It will be the 21st Century's "Eat My Grits!", "Whatchu talkin' about, Willis?", "Mr. Gorbachev, tear down this wall!", and "Ward, don't you think you were a little hard on the Beaver?"

It's just a shame that she'll probably quit after a few seasons. But that's how she does it: quit while you're on top, leave 'em wanting more! She was just a small town girl from Alaska, now she's going to be on national tv!

Join us for tonight's editorial meeting about what is coming in the week in news and to select the next celebrity news anchor. The PHH editorial meeting is being held at the Red Rock Times NewsRoom, Kenney's old office in the backroom. Place your bets on how long Sarah will last before she quits at the poker table. Meeting starts at 9:30pm (after the Kino Kafé presentation of New Years Parade down the block at La Paloma Sabanera at 7pm). We'll be discussing pitchers of beer or pints to fuel the economy; do we want curly fonts or hashtag fries? Be there.

-Horatio Alger
Don't stop there... That's bat country!

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