Sea Tea Improv performing "Day in the Life" at Hartford Children's Theatre
The best improv group in CT, Sea Tea Improv is growing and looking for new members! If you haven't seen them yet, you've been missing out. And how could you have missed them? They've been all over CT! Regardless, if you are into improv, acting, comedy, or even just looking for a way to let off some steam, why not try out your improv skillz at their audition TONIGHT or Wednesday July 28th. Check out their Facebook event for details.
Please report suspected exploitation of curly fries to the appropriate authorities
*Tuesday Night on the Patio* in Frog Hollow - phh4wm (Hartford, CT)
Date: 2010-07-13, 09:30PM EDT
Reply to this post
I was minding my own business one recent Tuesday night, doing what i usually do, just sitting there, enjoying the company of the usual fun-loving clientele i normally get. Idle chit-chat, enjoyment of some delectable treats...a lovely, yet standard summer evening. Then you came along. I first saw you as a small group of people sauntering in and making yourselves at home. Soon, however, it became apparent to me that you were no ordinary happy hour. As my eyes kept being drawn to you, more and more showed up, swirling into a crescendo of fascinating conversation and entertaining people. You were talking about the topics of the day and were so funny and very engaging. Food was devoured, pitchers were poured...it was, if you'll excuse the pun...intoxicating.
I'm a shy bar, and was too nervous to say anything to you that night, which is why I'm posting this now. As the night went on and you settled in, I felt a real connection, and judging by the looks you kept throwing my direction, maybe you did too? I tried to be subtle by sending over some curly fries, but I'm just so bad at this.
We could be great together, you and i. I had to take a chance and post this. Maybe we can make this Tuesday night our special rendezvous? I still have the delicious beverages you enjoyed last time. And what better time than a nice, warm night out under the stars? plz do not reply, but if you agree, plz show up again on Tuesday, our special night, say starting @ 9:30? Same place as last time. I think i heard your name was PHH...I go by Red, but my old friends call me Kenny. Please...lets not let this chemistry go to waste.
Location: Hartford
it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
MeriCa,
So we've won this Independence Day Sale thing. Now what? I mean, we've sold everything to pay off those expenses. China, Japan, India: they get access to all of our tech, computer, cameras, tvs, iThings, and our crappy cars. Saudia Arabia and the Middle East own our oil for our Japanese cars. Canada owns our maple syrup. Other countries all own our coffee beans. France gets our scorn. England is returning the favor of dumping their tea into the harbor by dumping our oil into the gulf. Those vindictive bastards!
And now, we're not even in the World Cup anymore! Sacre Blur!
Sigh. Corporations own our politicians for the people, we don't have healthcare system that benefits everyone, our public schools are abyssmal. We can't smoke where we want to, we can swear on television unless it's on FX, we can't buy alcohol after 9pm, on Sundays, on holidays or on days of the week that don't work for the government of the constitution state. BAh!
Oh well, at least we had a long weekend. Now it's back to work. Celebrate your indie 'meriCa by coming down to the Revolucion Rock Tavern on Capitalist Avenue in the Hartbeat. Progressive Happy Hour begins at 9:30pm. Beat the heatwave with ice cold pitchers of Naughty Nurse, Irish Ale or your ale of choice.
As we march forward through the insane heat and humidity that is our oil-soaked, global-warming future climate, we notice that our Family Circus calendar is nearly flipping over to July, which means one thing: Canada Day! Wait...no, no, nononono. Forget that, eh? WHAT I MEANT WAS that the Fourth of Independence in July holiday weekend is almost here! What a great time to remember our Founding Fathers, since it seems nobody cares anymore what those slave-holding adulterers wanted. Luckily, in this, the year of the teabag, we have a sea of Patriots, seemingly crawling from the primordial ooze of the Gulf of American Oil Hurricanes wearing tri-corner hats to remind us, by shouting, of everything that THE FOUNDING FATHERS father-founded this country on. Specifically, that appears to be Jesus. And the Government keeping their grubby hands off our guns and money and Medicare. AND making sure the Government meddles in reproduction issues and the border. Basically, look at whatever Obama is doing right now, and that's the opposite of what the Founding Fathers wanted. It's right there, in the Constitution, the last copy of which was owned by the late Senator Robert Byrd along with every obscure, archaic Senate rule, and a fiddlin' album.
But now, fellow Progressive Happy Hour-ites, we must look to the future. To our new Founding Fathers. Founding Fathers like Alvin Greene. See, Alvin Greene won the South Carolina Democratic senate primary in a glorious landslide, despite not doing so much "campaigning" or "fund-raising" as he did "sit in his father's basement" the whole time. Alvin Greene, a man who was discharged mysteriously from the armed forces, did not have to lie about serving "during" or "in" Vietnam. You see, Alvin Greene won because of MIND CONTROL and his supernatural power of controlling voting machines. In a recent interview, Future Emperor of Earth Alvin Greene said "I am the best candidate for the United States Senate in South Carolina...and I am also the best person to be Time magazine’s Man of the Year.” Alvin Greene doesn't even know how right he is. Friends, we can make this happen...we MUST make this happen for our children, our children's children, and slackers everywhere. Alvin Greene will be
the new Robert Byrd.
So, in the spirit of 1776, come to the Alvin Greene satellite headquarters at the Red Rock Tavern tonight at 9:30 for Progressive Happy Hour. We will be showing our support for Alvin Greene's remarkable candidacy, not by rallying, or doing any robo-calling, or coming up with catchy campaign strategy or sloganeering, nor even licking any envelopes. No, we will be doing what he wants us to do: sit around, enjoy some beer and fries and wait. Wait for the miracle of democracy to just happen. It's what the Founding Fathers would have wanted.
Join the World Cup fans from your desk at work! Blow your own vuvuzela.
ENOUGH. That's it. We have reached the statute of limitations of vuvuzela jokes being novel, America. After 3 days of people signing onto face-twit-space all asking "uhhh....hey, what's with the buzzing noise?" we've now moved on to all the lame bits of the internet having some OK, ok all you comedians. We've now heard all the "swarm of bees" jokes, or that the name sounds like some naughty part of your anatomy...ha-har, you're very clever. We're pretty sure that even someone as unfunny as Jay Leno has made these jokes, but nobody watches him so we can't be sure, BUT STILL!! We all know the word vuvuzela now, which makes it sound all ethnically classy, instead of what we used to call them before last week, "one of those cheap plastic horns we got from a parade vendor in 4th grade." Only now do we understand how annoying that was to blow it in the house, so I'M SO VERY VERY SORRY, MOM AND DAD!
Anyway, by now we've all found that our normal outlets of lowering productivity have been replaced by this World Cup foosball-soccer championship, Huzzah! All the games ("matches" in Euro-speak) are being played ("contested") right smack-dab in our prime work ("internet browsing") time-frame. Every four-years ("fortnight") this
comes around and the gotcha media writes stories how THIS is the year that America will for realsies start to actually care about watching 0-0 ties like the rest of...oh I don't know...EARTH?? DO NOT BE FOOLED, SHEEPOLES. Naturally, this is a sinister plot by the librul media and Nancy Pelosi to destroy Real America and adopt the Euro as our new form of Greek-currency. After all, games can end in communist
ties ("draws"), and it is beloved by Latinos, which makes Arizona's state government angry. THIS SPORT HATES FREEDOM.
So far, all I know is that the US team played England This was supposed to decide who gets to clean up the BP Mexican Gulf. The two teams tied, and that means Obama has to arm wrestle The Queen to decide things. We may be here a while.
Can we all just agree that this iThing I have in my hand is just awesome? It's really quite remarkable. In fact, it revolutionized the world before I even showed it to you. My friends, this iThing... you don't even have to see it, you just think about something and it makes it happen. If we had released it only months ago, iThing would have predicted that BPGlobal's Halliburton produced Blowout Preventor would fail because they needed the spare battery in the preventor to power whatever archaic technology they have there. This would not have happened with iThing, which is powered by the sheer joy that holding one creates in the user interface. That's right; you power it. So remember to take all your vitamins and eat well like a true vegan and you will power iThing for a long, long time. How awesome is that? Right now, it is calculating how FUBAR the Gulf of Mexico is because iThing was not around to say, "hey, guys, iThink we might have a problem down there." In fact, if we had iThing before, we wouldn't even have needed to be drilling offshore driving. Because, my friends, and this is a real cool App, once you fully charge iThing, you can just place it in your new MobileMeMover. That's right, we've created the MacMobile. [sighs and whispers of "I think I can get one if I just cut back on this, and give this much blood... and...] Unlike other automobiles, this revolutionary vehicle is powered by all the methane you will produce from being a vegan to fit in with our Cult of Mac. It will be powered by your sense of worth that you have by knowing you own an intelligent design vehicle that operates as well as our OS. And, check this out, [pushes the car horn App]: "BOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNGGGGGG!" [Audience goes wild with applause] That's right... we've got our own custimizable car horn.
Now, that's all good, but what else can iThing do to make you feel like you're the most important coolest person in the 'verse? Well, for that, I'm going to let iThing do it's thing with this new App we've put in. [Presses button; the ghostly figure of a man appears. It is the late Billy Mays in all his afterlife glory] Take it Billy.
That's right folks! It's me, Billy Mays, talking to you from my spiritual afterlife. How great it this?! iThing actually reaches past all planes of exisistence and allows you to communicate with the dead. Video calls are a thing of the past when you can actually communicate with the past! Folks, you have to have this! Act now, preorder it, and we'll even throw in this other great iThing App: iPlayThing. It's a special time offer. Tired of late nights hanging out by yourself because all your income goes into paying for the service for iThing? Well, then, let iThing be that special someone else in your life with iPlayThing!
[at this point, the internet crashes into oblivion as everyone tries to acquire the iThing and watch the gushing of the keynote speech]
So, folks what we're going to do tonight is absolutely radical. We're going to reenact the keynote speech about the iThing at Progressive Happy Hour. You're going to be able to drink pitchers of beer. Not just that, you're going to get curly fries. And better than any app, Gemma is going to be there in a black turtleneck.
Be there at 9:30pm at RRT on Capitol Avenue. Remember to leave now to stake your place in line.
Well, now we're all thoroughly stressed out by BP's wacky and hilariously named scams to attempt to stop the leaky pipe in the Gulf of Immigrants. BP's oil executives now are engrossed in thought to try something...ANYTHING...to come up with more media-friendly names for that one idea they keep trying over and over: throwing stuff they find in their trash cans at it. We've already had Top Kill and Junk Shot, much to the delight of 14-year old bloggers everywhere. Some suggestions for the next name of the "throw garbage in the ocean" plan: Chain-Ganging, Opposite Roto-Rooter, The 70% Chance of Success Plan, Cloggopalooza, The Secret AWESOME Idea To Save The Planet, Project Rusty Rubbage, The Landfill Bazooka, We-Swear-This-Isn't-Another-Junk-Shot, and Teabagging, Frankly, I think they should watch that episode of "I Love Lucy" where Lucy and Ethel are working in the oil refinery and the conveyor belt malfunctions and starts shooting out oil at a ridiculous pace. That Lucy made a mess of things just like BP, but at least it was hysterical to watch. OH, Ricky was soooo mad after that. Just like Obama!
Well, this is all just horribly depressing, so I'm going to hit play on "the rap music" from the 1980s and talk about basketball and sneakers instead because I read something about Kobe Bryant and Darryl Dawkins and the NBA Finals starring James Naismith's Springfieldian peach baskets. NO DON'T GO, this isn't really about sports...it's a loving ode to an athletic icon that has influenced society beyond
sports much more than any current Gatorade spokesman. Of course, I'm talking about the original All-Star, Chuck Taylor. According to the world's last remaining newspaper, wikipedia, Charles Taylor was a warlord and president of Liberia who was arrested for crimes against humanity, yet still designed a shoe that has stood as
an enduring American icon. Disambiguating this, the real "Chuck" Taylor played basketball briefly in the 1920s, and then spent the rest of his life in a sweatshop, personally signing the ankle of every "hi-top" shoe in America. "Taylor received a salary from Converse, but received no commission for any of the 600 million pairs of Chuck Taylor shoes that have been sold." Good job, Mr. Taylor! A true All-Star of capitalism.
Since the introduction of Chucks, just about everyone has adopted it as a symbol of conformity and...get this...NON-conformity. After athletes, Chuck Taylor All-Stars became the official shoe of the US Army during WWII. Then it was adopted by greasers, rockabilly, sock-hoppers, rebels-without-causes, punk-rock, bubble-gum pop,
grunge, hip-hop, prog-rockers, slackers, hipsters, geeks, dweebs, Dr. Who, and Chuck. Really, WE ARE ALL REBELLING NON-CONFORMISTS, so we all wear the same shoe, by Converse. Which is now owned by Nike. So suck it, establishment!
Come sport your favorite kicks at the Chuck Taylor All-Star party, at Progressive Happy Hour at the Converse Red Rock Tavern on Capitol Ave. in Hartford. Tonight starting at 9:30. Fries, beer, all to be enjoyed by YOU, the All-Stars of Frog Hollow.
Mr. Mira: Let me tell you what LOST is all about. It's all about this
lost girl that digs this hopeless doctor who shouts and cries a lot.
The entire show. It's a metaphor for being a big dick.
Mr. Skahill: No, no. It's about a group of strangers who were very
vulnerable. They've frakked up a lot of times in their lives. Then
they meet some guy named Jacob who's really sensitive...
Mr. Mira: whoa, whoa, whoa... Time out JJ Abrams. Tell that frakkin'
horse hockeypuck to the Hawaiian tourists who only watched an episode
here and there and didn't know what was going on but were like, cool,
sci fi. 'LOST' is not about this vulnerable girl who needs to save a
sensitive lost fella. That's what "Felicity" is about, now, granted,
no argument about that.
Mr. HOV: Which one is 'LOST'?
Mr. Karma: 'LOST' is that big ass hit for Terry O'Quinn. I don't even
follow this nerd stuff, and I've at least heard of "LOST".
Mr. HOV: Look, scatmuncher, I didn't say I ain't heard of it. All I
asked was what's the plot? Excuse me for not being the world's biggest
Terry O'Quinn fan.
Mr. Skahill: Personally, it's only my favoritest show ever in teh
creation of television, like ever.
Mr. RSGAT: I like his early stuff. You know, Howard Hughes in 'The
Rocketeer', Darius Michaud in that 'X-Files episode', as that other
character in that other episode of The X-Files, F.B.I. Asst. Director
Kendall in 'Alias', but I thought he was best as Peter Watts in
'Millenium'. And when they killed Locke in Season four of LOST, I
thought it jumped the shark.
Mr. Mira: Hey, you guys are making me lose my... train of thought
here. I was saying something, what was it?
Vlad: Oh, Sun was the Korean girl in it... what was her character's
last name? Did that have to do with her being a candidate?
Mr. White: What's that?
Vlad: In one episode this season, Fake Locke takes Sawyer down into a
cave with all these names written on it. They're all the characters
from the show, all of whom were going to be candidates to replace the
protector of the Island, Jacob. Wrote them all down in this book.
Haven't seen it since that episode. What was that name?
Mr. Mira: What the frak was I talking about?
Mr. Leonardo: You said 'Felicity' was about a young fresh out of high
school girl, follows her high school crush to college to be near him,
and that 'LOST' was a metaphor for big dicks.
Mr. Mira: Lemme tell you what 'LOST' is about. It's all about these
losers who are regularly frakked by the writers, I'm talking morning,
day, night, afternoon, frak, frak,
frak, frak, frak, frak, frak, frak, frak.
Mr. RSGAT: How many fraks is that?
Mr. White: A lot.
Mr. Mira: Then one day they get popular. And everybody loves the show
but no one knows what's really going on. So then the writers are like,
how are we going to end this and they remember their boss, this JJ
Abrams motherfrakker who is like, whoa baby, I mean this cat is like
Flannery O'Connor writing 'The Third Policeman, he's digging them into
plotholes and twists like Charles Bronson in the Great Escape. Now,
the characters are gettin' the serious frak action and they're feeling
something they ain't felt since forever. Pain. Pain.
Vlad: Kwan? Toby Kwan?
Mr. Mira: It hurts them. It shouldn't hurt them, you know, their souls
should be Bubble Yum by now, but when these cats frak their main
characters it hurts. It hurts just like it did the first time. You see
the pain is reminding a fuck machine what it once was like to be a
virgin. Hence, 'LOST'.
But now, brother, what do we do that the end has come? Now that
LOST is off the air, what will we do with our Tuesday evenings without
a perplexing mind frak of television show to tell us what questions to
ponder? And they left us with so many more questions then they
answered? The numbers!!! What did the numbers mean??!?
Was it really just Vincent the dog's dream of being human while stuck
in the cargo hold of Oceanic Flight 815 during the turbulence?
And what of the spin-offs? "After LOST" with Hugo, Ben, the dude that
always played a principal in the '80's sitcoms, and Jamie Farr, airing
Friday nights. It's destined to be a hit. "Ford Miles" The buddy cop
show set in the alternate reality of this season where everyone's
favorite con man turns out to be a cop with his cynical Asian partner
who can talk to the dead. "LockHart" in which Terry O'Quinn's
faithfilled character Locke wakes up in a world where he spars with
Bob Newhart.
Whatever might begin to air on Tuesday nights, you can meet the PHH:
Survivors of LOST Viewing Support Group tonight at Red Rock Tavern,
365 Capitol Avenue, Hartford. Discuss your theories about the show and
what happened to every character you loved and loathed over curly
fries and Dharma beer. Watch out for smoke monsters.
Well, did everyone do it? You know, when the market plunged and every stock in the world was completely worthless for about 8 minutes last week? We all bought all the Google and IBM and Proctor & Gamble and Sham-WOW stocks when they were just cold sitting there at 95% off prices, right? It was like a friggin massive blue-light special, only with money! Now we're gazillionaires all of us, thanks to the magic casino of Wall Street, despite not having any products to manufacture or jobs. This was the behind-the-scenes work of a crafty PHH operative who found a way to force Conan O'Brien to follow his twitters and dropped a big ol' Fail Whale on the CitiGroup Stock Market computer abacus. Either that, or he just typed 'billion' instead of 'million.' Because same difference, right? HAHA, now that we know all of capitalism might be able to be felled with a typo, this will NEVER happen again.
With the term "Flash Crash" being coined and sounding way too sexy-like, imma instead reveal the secret FREE TRADE AGREEMENT the US has obviously signed with Europe to exploit the stock market money machines. Why just look how similar America and Europe are becoming:
1) Wacky post-election drama! Britain has adopted our electoral system of ridiculously confusing and drawn out election results where we don't know who the winner is for months. Dan Rather has escaped with truckloads of fine silver and linens from 10 Downey.
2) Plunging currency! Oh, Europe was getting pretty jealous watching the US currency continue to weaken to infinity. Why not have the Euro join the fun? Just pay no attention to that horde of rioting Greeks over there. They're so excitable!
3) Bailouts for everyone! They all decided to save their system by throwing...tell me if this sounds familiar... $ONE TRILLION DOLLARS$ bailout at the problem, even though they actually use Euros to pay for things in France or Bulgaria or wherever, duh. In exchange for this great idea that propped up world markets everywhere, The US dollar will be renamed the "Amero."
4) The success of that Icelandic volcano, [mash fist on keyboard]. This new attraction at Euro-Disney ride gave all of Europe a chance to experience the thrill of sitting in an airport for a week and learn how to pronounce the fake Iceland language that Bjork made up to laugh at tv news people. It was so successful, we Colonists said "shee-oot. Hows about we hire *British Petroleum* to put a dang oil volcano right here in *our* ocean?" TADA! NOW WE HAVE AN OCEAN MADE OF MONEY. SUCK IT, OPEC, we are moving to Beverly Hills, no drilling necessary. Oil Volcano!
Come celebrate our new-found prosperity at Progressive Happy Hour. In our flourishing 21st century of wealth, we will replace those stupid cold glaciers with sparkling seas of crude...we will replace the pitchers of beer with plates of fries. Luckily, the plates of fries become pitchers of beer! Donny and Gemma are STILL THEMSELVES, only now they have monocles and top hats. The gala begins tonight at 9:30 pm at stately Red Rock Manor at Kenny's Estates on Capitol Avenue. Just follow the streets paved in gold.
Well, I hope you all survived the big Hippie week of the year. You know, first the whole 4/20 dealy where people celebrate Hitler's birthday by rolling joints of the marijuana cigarettes all over the place, and then it was Earth Day! Where we all pretend to give a flip about trees by rubbing our naked bodies with clean coal or wrapping our Chevy Canyoneros with solar panels or whatever. Well, Obama's efficient congress-machine marked both days by first legalizing, taxing, and regulating marijuana and then passing effective comprehensive climate change legislation.
Ha, ha, just seeing if you were actually paying attention, you gullible leftie-loos. Nothing will happen ever again in government, because of Glenn Beck's chalkboard.
The real news of course, wasn't Arizona's bold plan to legalize racial profiling, but that SOME DRUNK GUY LEFT HIS PHONE AT A BAR. HOLY CRAP, NERDS. Apparently, this caused too many people to "like" Steve Jobs' poke-site on the interfacebooks and it exploded in a puff of gadget geekery. Due to my side-business of making hats with various numbers of corners on them, I happened into some of the new Space-Laser Ben Franklin 100 Euro bills and wound up buying that phone from another drunk guy who decided to walk away with it instead of turning it into the bar's management. Or maybe I just whacked the guy over the head with a sock full of quarters, EITHER WAY I HAVE IT AND IT IS REAL.
Of course Apple, protecting their prized baby, obviously remotely disabled the thing, since I can't make calls or access any online apps. The first thing you'll notice is added functionality. Gone is the single button on the front. Apple now has put 6 functional buttons right there permanently screened, always at the ready. And that bright, colorful screen that annoyed people at the movies? Well, now it's a pleasing green, monochromatic beauty. No more awkward on-screen keyboard... You write on the screen with the included stylus! Handwriting recognition like in sci-fi! This blows my mind! And the biggest change is the name...no more '00s sounding iPhone!! They're clearly going to market it as a companion to the iPad. It's called the Newton MessagePad. And it will rock your underpants off.
If you want to see this marvel of technology, all you dinosaur droid drones, come to Progressive Happy Hour, tonight. Be the first to get in line to behold the latest thingamajig that all the kids want. The line starts at 9:30 at Kenny's Cupertino Cafe, at the Red Rock iTavern in Hartford. Fries? App for that. Pitchers? App for that. PHH? HELLS YA YOU KNOW THERE'S AN APP FOR THAT.
Posts
